Loukoumades mafia and cultural chameleons
And I promise both of these are actual phrases someone has used this week.
Let’s talk about fantasies.
In the many conversations I’ve had with other foreigners, one story kept popping up: the fantasy of what life in Greece would look like. For some, even after moving here, it remained just that, a fantasy. Because, of course, reality is different.
But the fantasy is what catapulted a lot of us here; built on the real beauty of the country, then inflated by the marketing machine until it turned into a fat turkey everyone wants to devour. Even though, by destroying it, they’re left with nothing.
I guess that’s human nature. Unlike viruses, we don’t even try to keep the host alive.
A few days ago, the mysterious ways of the algorithm brought me into a collision with a post on Rick Steves’ Facebook page. In case you don’t know, Rick Steves has 1.3 million followers and is, according to his website, “America's most respected authority on European travel.”
And boy, does Rick have a fantasy of Greece.
He starts by telling us how much he enjoys drinking ouzo when he’s in Greece. Nothing wrong with that.
But then he continues with some philosophical musings:
“When my waiter brings my glass, I give him a melodramatic little show — artfully trickling some water into my glass to magically make my ouzo go cloudy… and suddenly, to him, I'm not just another tourist. I'm a cultural chameleon, mastering a little slice of the Greek life — indicating I'm ready and rarin' for more.”
For Rick, the simple act of pouring water into ouzo is what separates “just tourists” from “cultural chameleons.” In his mind, he’s probably even getting a cheeky wink from the waiter, who, despite serving food for the last 12 hours, seems oddly refreshed by the presence of a rare animal. Surely, he scans every table he serves ouzo to, on the lookout for others who’ve mastered “this little slice of Greek life,” unlike the dumb tourists who clearly don’t deserve his full attention.
Rick then moves on to describing his ideal Greek taverna:
“Locals chitchat while fingering their worry beads. Backgammon dice chatter, hand-rolled cigarettes hang tenuously from lips, and stray cats wait patiently to take your seat — and your dinner — if you dare abandon either. (...) Knowing the place is primed and ready to erupt into dance, I'm right there.”
I honestly feel like this is what Greece would look like if it were described by an AI (the fact that this text might actually be AI-generated is beside the point).
It’s actually impressive how he managed to cram that many Greek stereotypes into one paragraph. I kept waiting for the old seaman with an anchor tattoo to start breaking plates while yelling OPA!, but the marketing department probably knows the ideal character count for a Facebook post, so they cut that part.
Rick then he describes what can only be called the Greek art of teleportation in a life of perpetual leisure:
“Greek days are packed with unforgettable encounters with the ancient world and ruggedly beautiful scenery. One afternoon, you're pondering the ruins of Delphi, imagining the oracle with all the answers; the next morning, you're toeing the same starting block ancient sprinters did at the original Olympics; and that afternoon, you're wading into the bathtub-warm water of the Aegean. And then, noticing the sun's getting low and red, you remember — once again — it's ouzo time!”
Ok, the guy is selling a package vacation, so whatever. Even so, between Delphi and Olympia there’s a 7-hour drive. Unless you had that ouzo on the bus, it sounds hard to pull off.
I think we all carry some ideal image in our heads when we imagine our lives in a different context. A romantic fantasy. When I was a teenager dreaming of becoming a journalist, I had All The President’s Men in my head (even though I hadn’t yet realized that a film called All the President's Women would suggest a very different story, and that alone says a lot about our society, but that’s a topic for another day).
It doesn’t mean the actual job had anything to do with the fantasy, but it did inspire me. So I think fantasies are fine. Necessary, even. We can’t live in this sh*tty world without them.
But man, this was so bad, it almost felt like unintentional poetry.
And because I’m self-aware enough to recognize my own hypocrisy, yelling about stereotyping while being a foreigner myself who probably divides the world into “good tourists/expats” and bad ones (don’t we all?) and who dreams of a life of endlessly sipping mastiha on ice at sunset, like a day in the life of Tourist Barbie, I decided to see how Rick’s fantasy would land if it were about Romania. Would it feel just as ridiculous?
“Locals chitchat while absently twirling their rosaries. The clack of table-side rummy tiles fills the air, hand-rolled țigări hang precariously from lips, and village dogs lounge under tables, ready to claim your chair — and your plate — if you so much as stand up. (...) Sensing the place might burst into a round of hora at any moment, I'm right there.”
“Romanian days are packed with unforgettable brushes with history and raw, untamed landscapes. One afternoon, you're wandering through the ruins of Sarmizegetusa, picturing the Dacian priests murmuring to the gods; the next morning, you're tracing the steps of medieval princes through the cobbled streets of Sighișoara; and that afternoon, you're waist-deep in the still waters of a hidden lake in the Apuseni. And then, as the sun sinks low and golden over the hills, you remember — once again — it's time for a glass of vișinată.”
I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING.
I think it’s time for a glass of vișinată. Here’s to you, Steve! I’ll say a prayer to the Dacian priests.
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News You Can Use
Prepare to party like it’s 1999 this weekend, because on Saturday we’re getting 24 hour metro service!
Nearly 1,000 residents, backed by the municipalities of Glyfada and Alimos, are pushing back against the dust and disruption caused by construction at the Elliniko redevelopment site, accusing the company of creating “a permanent cloud of dust” and using noisy equipment, including a crusher operating less than 50 meters from homes.
28,000 tax debtors were “named and shamed” by AADE, with their tax IDs, addresses, and debts made public.
One in 3 houses in Greece is empty, because of Greece’s outdated and abandoned housing stock and frequent claims and disputes between heirs.
Because summer is here and most of you will be going to the beach at some point (if you haven’t already), I’d just like to remind you about the MyCoast app, which allows you to check if a business on the beach has the legal right to rent sunbeds or not, and through which you can also file a complaint.
And in a similar fashion, there is also MyStreet app, which allows you to do the same for sidewalks occupied by tables and chairs.
A new labour bill introduces 13 hour workdays. But why stop at 13? Make it 16! Make it 20! You still get 4 hours for sleep, what more do you need?
Greece has Europe’s fifth most expensive short-term rental rates, lower only than Monaco, Iceland, Great Britain and Spain.
In case you were curious, here’s a map of how much a souvlaki costs all around the country
We are getting a new heatwave next week, even worse than the last.
Over 25% of Greeks hide savings from their partner.
If you’re confused by all the housing programs that the Greek government has been running, you can actually find them on one platform: the housing policy portal stegasi.gov.gr.
If you drive a scooter or a motorcycle, wear your helmet. The police have started a campaign for their zero-tolerance policy to this, but aside from that, take it from someone who knows: falling off a motorbike hurts like hell.
You might remember Spinalonga from the Greek TV series To Nisi. These days, it’s also the second most visited archaeological site in Crete after Knossos, but is becoming inaccessible to visitors after the sharp increase in ticket prices by the Ministry of Culture.
When it comes to small businesses, in Greece, high taxes aren’t the only problem: there’s also the fact that the rules are changing so often, that it’s actually hard to keep up with them.
The municipality has started demolishing old buildings deemed hazardous. So far, it has a list of about 70. And they claim that they’re going to replace them with parks.
And I saved my favourite for last: the leader of ‘Loukoumades Mafia’ in Halkidiki was sentenced to 16 years in prison. The 42 year old was the leader of a criminal group that carried out extortion for the control of sale of doughnuts on the busy beaches of Sithonia, in the second leg of Halkidiki.
News You Can’t Use
According to this story, another 1,200 “rich tax migrants” (yes, this is exactly how it’s phrased) are expected to move here, which gives Greece “a significant comparative advantage over other European countries”, because they will be “investing in housing and making high expenditures, stimulating the economy”.
Get ready for that trickle down wealth, people! No, your rent doesn’t count. It’s more of an aesthetic wealth, the kind you get when the horizon is filled with yachts at your favourite beach.
Does Mel Gibson count, I wonder? Because he’s currently on a spiritual retreat at Mount Athos.
***
The arrival of the 1,200 comes right on cue for all the shiny new Airbnbs and cafés sprouting up in Exarchia. But there’s still one huge problem with this neighbourhood, according to this other story: the streets remain DIRTY.
So unpleasant. Thank God “the post-pandemic boom in tourism and catering services in Greece is gradually permeating the once «uninhabitable» Exarchia district”.
Too bad the locals don’t understand the benefits of being kicked out of their houses because of continuously rising housing costs and just fight back and protest, like children. I mean, we’re talking about “modern bakeries, wine bars, tiny pastry shops, and Scandinavian-style cafes – with a mixed clientele of digital nomads and 20-somethings”.
It’s cute!
That’s why we can’t have nice things.
The Long Reads
Are tourists becoming clumsier than they used to be or are they just much more unruly? Kathimerini asked the people responsible for guarding Greece’s ancient artifacts.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like for the people who live in Plaka and Monastiraki?
If someone wanted to take revenge on the Athenians, who suffer from extreme heat all summer, what would they do? Could they, for example, set up screens on the sidewalks that consume the energy of 14 households, thus emitting the corresponding heat? As absurd as it may sound, this is what is happening with the new bus stops, which serve exclusively outdoor advertising.
Wanderlust
6 new amazing places for food and drinks in Kypseli - and I have to say, I can’t keep up with them anymore, something new pops up every week, like we’re in a game.
The double beach in Evia perfect for quiet moments
For a late summer getaway, the 9th Rebetiko Festival kicks off on August 28, in Syros
A a unique tribute to Miles Davis, through an unexpected lens: the bass, at Megaron Music Hall, on July 4th
St. Kubrick Summer Nights @ Cine Alexandra x Cine Fleury, from July 7 until July 21st
That’s it. Have a great weekend and do write back. Even if it’s just to complain.
Ioana
OMG, I laughed so hard. Then, cried a little 😅. Your newsletter is a wild ride. Love it!